Toe in the Water

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round

I really love to watch them roll

No longer riding on the merry-go-round

I just had to let it go

- John Lennon

In the future, when we leave South Africa for good, I might have to go back to work. Mr. Deep, when he proofreads this post, will strongly suggest that I change the word might in the previous sentence to will. But as nothing is certain life except death and taxes I am going to leave it as might.

Here's where I have to be careful because the way blogs and social media work it would be a real shame if at a future job interview the interviewer asked me, "why did you write in your blog that you'd rather quote stick your head in the toilet and flush repeatedly than return to the work force end quote?" So I won't write anything of the sort. Instead I'll tell you the real problem. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. 

The only thing I've figured out during my time away from work which now totals 870 days, (wow, time really does fly when you're having fun) is what I don't want to do with my life. Nice people who I share these thoughts with say kind things like, "figuring out what you don't want to do is the first step" or "I'm sure you can easily find something you love." These are the same people who probably told me twenty years ago, "I'm sure you'll decide that you want to have kids one day" and we all know how that turned out. 

Here's what I'm not looking for from my next job. 
Stress. A little stress is fine. Excitement, challenges, all good. What's not good is waking up in the middle of the night thinking about work problems. Similarly I don't want to spend my days at work putting out fires and dodging land mines. Figuratively, of course. I don't plan to actually do work involving fire fighting and land mines.

All consuming. The best part about my life now is all of the things that I do have time for. Things like making dinner, seeing friends, going to the gym, volunteering and staring at the wall. 

The challenge is how to turn the things I don't want out of work into a job that I do want. You don't see many resumes with this career objective: To work in an environment which is calm and peaceful and where a limited amount of effort and responsibility is required. Even someone applying for work at a spa would likely not be hired with that opening. 

And here's the real problem. I'm the one with the problem. If I worked at a spa I would make it stressful and all consuming. Within days of starting work at the spa I would likely have us implementing a new software program, repainting the lobby, training all masseuses to ensure consistency in service and having a focus group to secure customer feedback. I am the one who gets carried away and makes a job demanding and if the job is already demanding, then forget it I'm back to having a bald patch on my head.

Recently I worked on a fundraising project.  I didn't get paid but other that it was real work and the surprising part, it was enjoyable (and successful although that's not surprising.) A group of friends and I created and held an event to raise money for a bursary (scholarship) fund for female university students from Diepsloot. The event, called The Morning Market and Tea was held earlier this week at the home of my friend Sandy. 

Four of us worked for several months to plan the event.  We secured thirteen vendors selling various items (that was the market part.) Some of the vendors were seasoned pros who own their own successful businesses and others are just starting out. Confidence was there selling her artwork and Beatrice and Loyce were there selling cakes. Each vendor donated 10% of all sales. We had forty guests who each paid R200 at the door. A friend generously catered the event providing much more than the average tea finger sandwiches. In fact, there was not a finger sandwich to be found. We also had a raffle and silent auction which raised significant money. 

As the day may be drawing near when I begin to work again, I have been thinking about The Morning Market and Tea and what made it enjoyable and here's what I have come up with. First, each of the four of us put the cause first. Yes, we wanted to make the event fun but we always focused on how we could raise maximum funds. Second, each of us worked very hard. No one blew into meetings like a hurricane, shared a bunch of outrageous ideas and then disappeared. Third, there were no silly politics. No one called anyone else to complain about another member of the group behind her back...at least I don't think anyone did. It's certainly possible that people called each other to complain about me, but I was none the wiser. 

My career objective is now taking shape. Currently it looks like this: "To work in an environment where I can have maximum impact without having to endure any bullshit." OK, I could soften the wording a bit, but I think I'm making progress. 

Art by Confidence

Beatrice and Loyce

Gorgeous food

Photo credit for this photo and all below: Sue Huck

The market included a floral arrangement demonstration.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

For me living in South Africa is my big chance in life. It's my big chance to try new things and spend time doing activities that I enjoy. If I can think of something that I've always wanted to do or if I want to try something that I've never thought of doing before, now is the time. Throughout life we imagine hobbies or interests we'd like to pursue but we tell ourselves we don't have time and often we really don't. But I have time and now is my big chance. 

Maybe it's due to growing up in the era of Rocky Balboa or possibly I have pent up aggression but when I heard that a new boxing gym opened nearby I was intrigued and I wanted to try it. I should note that throughout my life I have often been intrigued and wanted to try things for what turned out to be the wrong reasons. I joined the band in high school because I thought it would be cool to march during football games and parades (by the way it's not cool at all it totally sucks.) I went to gymnastics camp because I wanted to join the gymnastics team so I could get the cool letter jacket. I have run marathons and half marathons so I could get the medals and have stronger looking legs but not because of any love of running. Similarly, I wanted to go to the boxing gym because I think wearing boxing gloves is cool and I want to have strong chiseled arms.

I also thought it would be a good idea for Mr. Deep and I to check out Fight Club (that's the name of the gym) together. While Mr. Deep and I are spending time together on the weekends and when we go on trips we aren't doing as many activities together as we used to before we moved here. We used to go to the gym together after work and now I go alone during the day. We don't run together because Mr. Deep is a lot faster than I am. We don't watch basketball together and root for our favorite team anymore because there is no basketball to watch. We don't talk about what happened on Howard Stern show because we can no longer listen. We don't cook dinner together because dinner making clearly falls under the Ops Department and Mr. Deep is not a member of the Ops team. So I asked him if he would go with me to Fight Club for a free trial and he agreed.

I wasn't sure what to expect from the free trial and we weren't given much information. The email confirmation said to bring water and a sweat towel so I imagined there would be some kind of exertion. But often when you visit gyms you also get an orientation of some kind so I thought that might be part of it. 


When we arrived we didn't have to sign any forms, present a doctor's note or even give a phone number. Yes, we had signed up in advance for the free trial but we never even gave our names when we checked in. I love the absence of formality and lack of concern over potential lawsuits in South Africa. 

We were put into a group with about ten other people. I am not sure if they were also there trying out the gym or if they were members. I was glad to see I wasn't the least fit of the bunch. I know it's petty but come on, you don't want to be the person who has to run out of the class to throw up. I was also probably the oldest woman in the group. I thought that was good from an expectations management standpoint. I considered telling the other women my age just so they would know for sure how old I am but I didn't get a chance. Chris, the trainer, asked us about our fitness level which of course Mr.Deep and I both described as "very good." He then wrapped our hands with a cloth band while Mr. Deep made comments like, "cut me Mick." 

To begin we had to run four laps around the parking lot. While I don't particularly like running I can run and I recently ran a 5k so I knew I could do it. My big concern was I didn't wear the right bra for running. The bra I wore was more appropriate for punching so that was not ideal. We ran the four laps and then Chris put boxing gloves on us. Yes, it's as cool as it sounds. We were hustled into an area with a bunch of bags and went through a series of drills. Many had to do with punching like left right left right really fast or punching left left left left etc. While we were busy punching the trainers walked around and gave advice about stance and form. In between bouts of punching we had to do jumping jacks, push ups, squats etc. 

After that we had to run again, this time two laps. If anyone stopped to walk (I didn't) the trainers told them no walking run, run, run. The running was o.k. but I've never had my arms hurt while running before. The punching was hard work! We then headed back inside for more activity. We did dips and fast step ups (two sets each) and then moved to another area where we held big weights (10kg for men and 5kg for women and a kg is 2.2 pounds by the way) above our heads and did fast knee lifts and then alternated with kettle bell swings. Twice. Finally we moved into the "ring" where we did crunches of various kinds before a cool down with stretching to end the class.

Throughout the class Mr. Deep shot me a few glances that indicated that he was not having fun and that he possibly wanted to kill me. It was really an intense work out. The first words Mr. Deep said to me after class were "having fun signing up" because he knew I would. And I will. These arms aren't going to chisel themselves. 

Somehow I was cut out of the two group photos taken by the club staff. I was standing right next to the girl with the red gloves. Now I have a complex thinking I was purposely cut because my arms are too flabby especially compared to hers. 

The Year of Yes

When I became an expat last year, I read a lot of advice about how to handle the transition and settle into my new home country. Much of the advice was "get out there and meet people" and "don't worry if your new house isn't completely organized just start making friends."

Since I am physically unable to leave my house to do anything if my house isn't completely organized, I didn't follow the advice. In hindsight I eased into my life here slowly. 

In our first year we found a house, moved in and hosted my parents when they came to visit. I sought out an opportunity and began volunteering with EduFun. We made friends both naturally and through groups like Internations. We trained for and completed a half marathon and I resumed going to personal training. Last year I started and maintained the blog. And, we traveled to multiple places in South Africa. 

But, there is something markedly different about my second year here as compared to my first.

Even though I just listed all that was accomplished during year one, I also spent a significant amount of time last year doing absolutely nothing. And, I spent a lot of time doing mundane things like grocery shopping and organizing closets. After working for 20 years at a job that included a lot of nights and weekends, a really long commute and a significant amount of business travel, I couldn't get over the fact that suddenly I had free time. All the tasks that I used to cram into my time away from work, I now had endless time to accomplish. If I needed to write an email to someone, I could put thought into the text instead of just firing it off as fast as possible. If I needed to grocery shop I could take my time in doing so. If I needed to visit more than one store, or go grocery shopping again the next day because I was looking for something specific or because I forgot a bunch of stuff it didn't matter. I had the time. Looking back I spent a lot of time just being amazed about how much time I had. And, I was never bored. Not for one second. 

When year one turned into year two I became aware that my time here in South Africa wasn't going to last forever. Even though intellectually I knew that all along, I started to feel the pressure to make the most of this situation and thus began The Year of Yes.

I did not conceive of the concept of The Year of Yes on New Year's Eve because of some kind of champagne fueled epiphany. I actually didn't conceive of the concept of The Year of Yes at all. In year two I just naturally started saying yes to any and every opportunity that came my way. And now, half way through 2016 I realize that this is The Year of Yes.

When I was asked if I would teach a class at school on Mondays (last year I would visit the school and work with a small group of kids and now I stand up in the front of the classroom and lead the lesson) I said yes. When asked if I would be the co-administrator for the women's social group that I am part of I said yes. When invited by an Indian friend to learn how to drape a saree, I said yes. When invited by the same friend to participate in several Indian cooking classes that she was teaching, I said yes. When I noticed that there was a group of expats going to the Joburg CBD to take a graffiti tour I went along. When the opportunity arose to join a committee to plan an event to raise money for scholarships for girls from Diepsloot going to university, I got involved. When I learned that solar lamps were needed so kids living shacks in Dieplsoot without electricity could study at night, I began a fundraising campaign. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

What's funny is that I thought I didn't want to fundraise anymore, I never considered what it would be like to wear a saree, I'm not particularly interested in graffiti, I never liked school when I was a student and I never particularly liked being around kids.

But it turns out some kids are fun to be around (and some are not), wearing a saree is a cool experience to try once in your life, Indian food is interesting and different than the food I am used to cooking, graffiti can be beautiful and takes lot of talent to create, and working on fundraising projects again has been a rewarding experience.

Teaching grade 3 students as part of the EduFun program at the
Diepsloot Combined School

When I came here I had a list of things I wanted to do during my jobless period. Except for writing this blog, finding a great volunteer opportunity and taking a photography class (and I only did that because Mr. Deep insisted) I haven't done any of the things on my list. I thought I would blow the dust off of the Rosetta Stone we bought years ago and teach myself Spanish. But, it turns out that while I would love to speak Spanish fluently, I have no interest in taking the time to learn it. I also thought I would take a digital marketing class but I never did so I must not be that interested. In addition I planned to watch every James Bond movie ever made in order. That one I might still do. Marathon movie watching seems like a good activity to take on during The Year of Yes. 

Cooking at Indian cooking school.

saree selfie

Wearing the saree 

Street art in the Joburg CBD.

The graffiti tour was great, I may write a separate blog post about it.