Limbo

No, not the dance contest where people try to bend backwards and pass underneath a pole without falling or knocking the pole down, but rather the state of my life. 

I'm trying to embrace limbo. But it's extraordinarily difficult. 

You may have guessed from this post, or this one, that I didn't love living in Geneva. Let me clarify that there isn't anything wrong with Geneva. Plenty of people live there and they love it. My problem with Geneva was that it wasn't South Africa which obviously it could never be.

My time in Geneva was comprised of a) thinking b) crying c) running in the park or as we like to say in Geneva, parc and d) drinking cappuccinos excessively. That is until I realized they were making me fat and I had to switch to tea. 

Note, here is the point in this post where I tried for over an hour to insert a photo from Geneva but none of my photos would load which maybe is a sign that it's not "meant to be."

Strangely, Geneva was also a positive experience. Kind of like the way someone might describe being stranded on a deserted island as a positive experience. Not pleasant in the day to day but once rescued you enjoy more clarity in life. In Geneva I found clarity for which I am grateful. I found it in the beautiful Parc de Bertrand where I ran, walked, sat, laid in the grass, dodged scooters, watched the leaves turn and pondered my life until clarity finally arrived. Even though I couldn't wait to escape Geneva, I find myself missing Parc de Bertrand and wondering what it looks like now covered in snow.

It was in Geneva that I made the decision to return to live and work in South Africa.  

We have all met people who have a serious love for the color purple (the color not the movie.) You don't meet people who love red, green or blue the way some people love purple. Why this is I don't know. I have google searched this purple loving phenomenon but haven't found anything. I think it's the same for those of us who love Africa, we love it so deeply that we are in love with it. Just as it seems odd to us non purple lovers that someone would want to dress from head to toe in purple, paint a room purple or drive a purple car, those of us who love Africa feel there is no such thing as too much Africa.

It's not just that I love Africa, or more specifically South Africa, it's that I loved the me who lived in South Africa. It's where I became the best version of myself. If you've been reading this blog for a while, I don't think you find this surprising. 

To that end, I decided that I not only wanted to return but wanted to figure out a way to work there combining my years of experience working for a non-profit organization with one of the things that I loved doing most of all when I was there, helping kids to improve their English literacy.

You would think, as I certainly did at the time, that living in Geneva and feeling so directionless was the hard part.  Or, you might think the hardest part must have been talking to Mr. Deep about going back to Africa alone. There was also the difficulty of figuring out how to get back to Africa because we as humans aren't just free to roam the earth to live and work where ever we want whenever we want. There are rules and visas and paperwork to be attended to.

With the help of many people including Mr. Deep and a South African lawyer I was able to figure it out and on February 2 I submitted paperwork to the Department of Home Affairs in South Africa, which once approved, would allow me to return there to live and work. 

Which brings us to right now, which it turns out, is the hardest part. You have no idea how much I wish I was a person who had faith. I wish I believed all the things that other people tell me such as "if it's meant to be it will happen." 

It's not that I don't think that the paperwork will be processed or that I will receive eventual approval to return, but the process will likely take months and months. A minimum of eight months my lawyer told me, until she told me it was a minimum of ten.  

This must be what it feels like for people who want to adopt a child. First, they make the hard decision to do so, then they spend a lot of money and time working with lawyers and proving their worthiness, and then they wait. They wake up each day wondering if it's the day they will receive what they so badly want and then, around 4:00 p.m., they realize that it's not going to happen that day. Maybe they spend time preparing and buying baby stuff or maybe they don't because they are so afraid that it will never come to be. It's an unusual circumstance to make such a big, important, life changing decision only to find yourself solely at the mercy of others facing a timeline you can't control or even impact. 

Tom Petty, who I've listened to and loved since I was fifteen years old passed away while we were living in Geneva. Yes, on top of everything I had to cope with Tom Petty's death while there...but Tom said it best....

"The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part" - Tom Petty

And so I wait it out in America. Trying to embrace my limbo by spending meaningful time with people I love while I wait and wait and wait. 

Where is My Handbook?

The process of moving to South Africa was not easy. It was logistically challenging. The visa business was frustrating and caused a lot of angst. However, when I think back to that time, right before we left the USA and came to South Africa, my most prominent emotion was excitement. We were about to embark on a new life and I couldn't wait to get started. We laughed off the delays and challenges. It was all a big adventure.

Leaving South Africa does not feel like an adventure. It feels awful. I would love to put a positive spin on it for you and say something like, "onward and upward" or "change is good" but I can't. What I can say is, "I'm sure it will be fine." That's the best I can do. But I'm not a huge fan of fine. I prefer amazing. 

Intellectually my sadness about leaving makes no sense. How can it be harder to leave a country where I've lived for just over two years than it was to leave a country where I'd lived my entire life? How can it be harder to leave a place where things don't work all that well for a place where everything works? What could possibly be so difficult about going back to America where everyone will understand me when I speak and where I can eat tacos and drink Starbucks with reckless abandon? Not to mention being closer to family and friends.  Side note, what is wrong with me that I listed tacos before mentioning family and friends? 

When we arrived in South Africa, our relocation agent gave us a book called "Living in South Africa." Of course I never actually READ this book, but the point is there WAS A BOOK about newly arrived expat adjustment. So where is the handbook that details best practises for expats trying to depart a place gracefully? Because I have a lot of questions. 

Some of the questions are trivial, yet real. How will I survive without the constant sunshine, palm trees and smiling security guards who greet me every morning and then ask me to buy them a 2 litre Coke and loaf of bread? How will I manage without my clean house and my perfectly ironed and folded clothes made so by the world's kindest and sweetest person? What about the kids that I teach? Will they forget about me after five minutes (answer is yes being that they are eight years old.) Most importantly, how am I supposed to say goodbye to all the people here who I love...my second family, some of whom, if I'm being honest with myself, I may never see again. 

Mr. Deep has gone already. He is in Geneva working on a project for the next few months. While I am here alone for what simultaneously feels like forever and not nearly long enough, he was "ripped out of here."  Maybe that was the way to go? To leave quickly. Maybe I should have gone with him? Maybe I should have insisted on being an excellent wife and standing by my man, literally. I wonder what the non-existent expat departure handbook would have suggested I do?

I have watched other expat friends leave over the years. Some were life long expats and some were not. All were very stoic and said things like, "here's to the next adventure" which leads me to wonder, is that how they really felt? Maybe they were ready to leave and could barely contain their excitement? Maybe South Africa was getting to them and they were tired of trying to find spare change every minute for car guards, constantly sitting in traffic because of broken traffic lights, and having to visit three stores each time they wanted to buy kale? Or maybe it was breaking their hearts to leave and in the privacy of their own homes they cried a lot and got drunk every night under the guise of having to drink all of their South African wine before the movers arrived? It's hard to know. 

The thing about expat life is when it's time to go it's time go whether you want to or not and conversely for some who wish to leave it's not time to go and they have to stay. This is what we all signed on for. I guess if there were an expat departure handbook, that is what it would say. It would be a very short book. 

Mozambique: Parte Um

Over the Easter holiday weekend, Mr. Deep and I took a trip to Mozambique. This was our first time to visit to an African country outside of South Africa. Technically Mr. Deep has been to Mozambique before IF you count the time he snuck under the fence and crossed the border into Mozambique when we were at Kruger Park.  As that type of behavior is frowned upon, we will count the Easter trip as Mr. Deep's first visit to Mozambique.

Vilankulo is a small town with a very small airport

In a previous post I described how after the trip was paid for in full, I learned that Americans need a visa to visit Mozambique. As Americans we are not used to needing a visa to go on vacation, so Mr. Deep and I were a little taken aback and we had to scramble to get the visas in time. We visited the Mozambican consulate with all our visa paperwork in hand only to learn that Mr. Deep did not have enough blank pages in his passport to get his visa. The consulate website said three pages were needed but at the consulate we were told it was actually six (three front and back.) Mr. Deep then had to make a few visits to the American embassy to get a new passport. While all of this excitement creates endless amounts of blog post material I do feel that the inability to easily complete tasks is becoming more and more frustrating over time. 

Therefore I am going to declare that the number one thing you need to know if you are moving to South Africa (in my opinion) has nothing to do with safety and security as you would think from reading about the country. Instead, I think the first thing that anyone moving here needs to understand and accept is that you will rarely, if ever, be able to fully complete a task on the first attempt. Even though the Mozambique visa debacle technically has nothing to do with South Africa, the whole thing took place on South African soil so I am lumping the experience into my nothing is easy in South Africa rant. Things like renewing your car registration or getting someone to come to your house to fix something and other seemingly simple tasks usually require multiple attempts before you achieve success. It's always something. The system is down that day, you have the wrong form, they can't process whatever it is you are trying to do at that location, the electrician just doesn't show up and doesn't bother to call and on and on. If your hobby is completing tasks in a quick and efficient manner than you are likely to be repeatedly frustrated.

Besides the race against time to get the visas, the other topic of pre-travel discussion was whether or not Mr. Deep and I should take malaria pills. While there is no malaria in the part of South Africa where we live, you can get malaria when visiting other parts of the country and continent. We already had the pills as we filled a prescription prior to visiting Kruger, but then decided not to take them.  Of course neither of us wanted to risk getting malaria but we have also heard bad things about the side effects. Ultimately, we decided to take the pills this time. The ones we had require you to take one pill per day with food for 11 days.  At first we didn't notice any side effects. In hindsight I think that was because we were eating huge breakfasts every morning at the hotel in Mozambique and therefore taking the pills with lots of food. But then, after we returned home and started having just green smoothies for breakfast, we both started to feel sick and nauseous. It took us a few days to realize that it was likely the pills making us feel bad and so we suffered through the remaining days and started to feel better shortly after we finished taking them.  

But I digress. We got the visas and flew to Vilankulo. When we landed at the airport we immediately saw that we could have obtained the visas at the airport upon arrival. We had received mixed information about this as several people had told us we could get the visas upon arrival. But, we also read information that said although you used to be able to get visas upon arrival that now you cannot. I would estimate that three quarters of the people on our plane were getting their visas created at the airport. And the line to create new visas was moving at a rate about three times faster then the line for those of us who already had visas which made no sense because the new visas required quite a bit more work including processing applications and taking photos. The person working the line for those of us who already had visas - whose job it was to look at the visa, type some information into a computer and then stamp the visa - was incredibly slow. He was seated behind a high counter which I couldn't see over the top of so I couldn't tell if he was even working on a computer or if he was just reading a book or texting with a friend or something. 

Finally the visas were stamped and we headed to our hotel called the Dona Ana.  The Dona Ana is located right on the beach and has amazing views of the Indian Ocean. As shown in the map below, Mozambique is a long skinny country with 1430 miles (2300km) of coastline. We chose to visit Vilankulo at the recommendation of a friend who used to live in Mozambique. I don't really enjoy doing research about trips so I am happy to take a recommendation from a person who knows and just go with it.

Vilankulo is a small fishing town named for an African tribal chief, Vilankulo. Since the Portuguese apparently don't use the letter k in their language, the name of the town can also be spelled Vilanculo. Portuguese is the official language of Mozambique but everyone spoke enough English and we did not have any trouble communicating. 

These guys are all fishing on the beach by the hotel. They are line fishing without rods or reels which is why their arms are all bent.

This is a wooden dhow boat. When the tide went out the boats would remain on the sand waiting for the tide to come in again.

Pretty landscaping at the Dona Ana Hotel

In front of the hotel

Another picture of the hotel

Lots of boats and fishermen

Saturday we took a snorkeling trip out to Maguraque, one of the six islands comprising the Bazuruto Archipelago. The archipelago is located just a few miles from Vilankulo. We rode in a wooden Arabian style boat called a dhow out to the island. It was raining slightly when we boarded the boat but soon it cleared up and became a gorgeous sunny day. 

The dhow and a cloudy sky

On the dhow.

Mr. Deep's beer on the dhow. When in Mozambique the beer of choice is called 2M.

The boat crew included the skipper and a chef. The chef began working right away preparing our lunch even though we were not going to eat for several hours. In the middle of the boat was a huge charcoal braai (braai is a grill in South African lingo) where he cooked everything.

The chef cleaning fresh calamari

In addition to calamari, we also had barracuda for lunch.

The braai

Depending on what aspects of snorkeling you enjoy, the snorkeling could be described as either really great or really poor. If you are looking to view brightly colored fish and pretty coral then the snorkeling was pretty bad because it had rained that morning and the water was still cloudy. BUT, if you like snorkeling in very warm water with a current so strong you don't have to do a thing except plop yourself in the water and be carried along the reef without expending a bit of energy then the snorkeling was great. Since I am not a very strong swimmer I did love just lying there in the hot sun and warm Indian Ocean just floating along easily even if we didn't see much of anything. 

After the snorkel, our guide talk us for a walk around the island of Magaruque. The island is only 2.4 km long and up to 1 km wide. It is largely uninhabited although it contains a guest lodge of some kind. 

Maguraque

Mr. Deep and our fellow trip goers walking along the beach on Maguraque

Lots of camera shy crabs on the island. This guy was was trying hard not to have his photo taken but we managed to get a shot of him right before he exited the frame.

After the snorkeling and the walk it was time to eat before we headed back to the mainland.

Lunch was calamari stew, grilled barracuda, rice, bread, bananas and salad. YUM!

We had several other adventures in Mozambique and there is more to come in my next blog post to be titled Mozambique Parte Dois (that's Portuguese for part two.)

Ops Never Stops

Purple Rocks Purple Rocks

I can't believe it's been over a week since I published my last blog post. I didn't start this blog to market myself but I do hear every marketing person I have ever known in my head telling me, "you have to be consistent with your brand" and "you must communicate with your audience regularly" and "be sure to use engaging content." I realize I have probably let my readers down by going longer than normal without publishing. I don't really have a good reason for my lapse but I have been very busy lately with a lot of different things. Things that I will share with you over the next few posts. 

And what is it about marketing people that you can always hear them talking to you in your head? I guess they are good marketers and know how to make their message stick!

This week, I have been extra busy with my Ops work. No, I have not joined an elite special forces team. Ops is how I refer to any project or task associated with the Deep Household Operations, all of which I oversee. If there is a question in our house concerning which one of us needs to handle something the answer is that the Ops Team needs to handle it. Keep in mind that Ops is a very small team consisting of one person.

Ops has many different departments and functions. They include but are not limited to:

• travel, social functions and entertainment
• house and garden maintenance including staff management of cleaning lady and gardener
• licenses and renewals
• health and medical
• automotive cleaning and care
• food and nutrition 
• other as requested by Mr. Deep

You will notice that anything related to financial matters is excluded from the Ops scope of work. This is due to the team's marked deficiency in mathematics. Mathematics are handled by our CFO, Mr. Deep. Ops sometimes has to approve invoices for Mr. Deep to pay. Invariably Ops forwards these invoices to Mr. Deep without even looking at them which leads to scolding and a discussion about the need to be thorough.

I'd like to share with you about a day in the life of Ops but each day is a little bit different. So I am going to combine the experiences of a few recent days into one example to illustrate the vast array of projects I am currently managing.

1) Wake up at 6:00 a.m. Say hello to Mr. Deep who wakes up at 5:30 a.m. Mr. Deep requests his morning green smoothie. Make his green smoothie (if you want the recipe I can share it.) 

2) Check emails and look at Facebook while waiting for Mr. Deep to go to work

3) Clean up all smoothie making materials and put away dishes from last night's dinner

4) Clean the water feature. We have a water feature in our garden and somehow many of the bricks have turned purple and green. Use gloves to protect manicure. Use a scrub brush and bleach to try to clean bricks. Realize the purple and green is some kind of algae. Hope that I don't get infected with a brain eating amoeba. Realize that I need to remove all water from the fountain. Use a bucket to bail out water. Stand in the fountain and clean out remaining debris. Hope that I don't step on a snake or other kind of creature in the dirty and cloudy water. Hope that I don't contract cholera. Refill the fountain. Realize that there is a serious drought and that I am not supposed to be using the hose during the day. Continue using the hose while feeling guilty about it. Get frustrated that the purple growth remains on the bricks. Pour a whole bottle of bleach directly on the bricks. Let the bleach sit until the purple pales to a light shade of lavender. Decide it is much better and end the project due to running out of bleach.

Ugh I had to stand in this to get the last bit of water and dirt out.

5) Email the South African office of the Mozambican consulate. Tell them the Deep family would like to visit Mozambique and ask them how we can get a tourist visa. Hope that it does not take long to get one since the trip is already booked and fully paid for. Consider it to be an Ops failure that the visa piece was not discovered earlier. Decide that it's dumb that people need visas to go on vacation. Expect not to hear back via email and decide I will call them at noon if I don't hear back.

6) Receive an email from security advising that the pine trees in our back garden need to to be pruned because when it rains the branches are touching the electric fence and causing security havoc. Call a tree feller (that's a guy who chops down trees not fellow spelled wrong) who I saw working at a neighbor's house. Feller says he is in the estate now and can come over. Meet with feller and agree on price. Set tree trimming date for Thursday.

7) Try to renew the Deep family TV license. (FYI as best I can tell a TV license is a money making scheme in South Africa. You have to buy a TV license or give a license number when you buy a TV. You must then renew the license every year for about R250. I am not sure what happens if you don't renew it. Does your TV just stop working one day?) Review email received from Mr. Deep regarding the license renewal. Note that his email says he tried to pay the fee online but was not successful. Review list of retail outlets where the license can be renewed. Go to a TV store listed to try to pay the fee. Wait 15 minutes while the salesman tries to help me. Argue with salesman when he says my passport number is supposed to have a letter in it. Go to a grocery store. Wait in line to renew license. Get frustrated when cashier tells me that I need an EZ pay number (license number on the email does not suffice.) Go to the store where we purchased our TV and our original license. Learn that they are unable to process renewals. Go to another store in the same shopping center. Wait online only to learn that the TV license renewal system is offline. Wonder if it's too early in the day to have a glass of wine. Decide instead to eat lunch. Make a poor eating choice and eat a burger due to being hungry and frustrated. Decide not to get chips because that would be gluttonous. Eat burger in car while driving home. Notice that it is dripping with tomato sauce (ketchup) and that I have gotten tomato sauce all over my clothes. Return home and change clothes. Receive email from Mr. Deep saying I can renew the license online. Remind him that he told me he tried to do so and was unsuccessful. Remind him again when he seems to have no memory of any of this. Imagine a peaceful life without TV. Successfully renew license online.

8) Call Mozambique consulate. Learn that we can get the visas Monday - Friday from 

8:00 -12:00 p.m. Email Mr. Deep to see check on his availability.

9) Review email inbox. Learn that my South African visa situation has officially been "rectified." Feel good that Home Affairs has finally acknowledged that I am here accompanying my husband and not my father. Rejoice that once again I am officially a dependent spouse in the eyes of the South African office of Home Affairs. 

Save the Drama for Your Momma (or your daddy)

When we moved to South Africa I thought the hard part would be the move and then once we were living here everything would be smooth sailing. But in 2015 two things happened that were challenging and made us feel like getting settled here was going to take longer than expected. The first thing was the drama with our house and potentially having to move and second was the ongoing saga of having to re-apply for our visas. Here is an update on both situations. 

"No, I am your father" - Darth Vader

Let's have a little refresher. "Previously on Tales of the Visa Reapplication..."

The visas that Mr. Deep and I currently have are less than a year old. Unfortunately about six months after we arrived in South Africa, we learned that we needed to reapply for new visas due to a slight name change at Mr. Deep's company. Having to reapply would have in itself, been a total pain but the real pain for me came when due to my inadequate fingerprint quality (it's a condition that I suffer from.) I had to fly back to the US to have my fingerprints taken electronically so that I could submit them as part of an FBI background check which is needed for the visa application. The situation was outlined in this post. 

After my quick trip half way around the world and back, we got the fingerprints, the FBI background checks, the chest x-rays, the updated documents and letters from Mr. Deep's company and everything else required under the sun put together. At the end of October we visited Home Affairs to submit our applications for new visas. To facilitate the application at Home Affairs, we had a local expert from an attorneys office who met us there the day we had the appointment to submit our applications. Even with his help we spent over four hours at Home Affairs that day while our "handler" visited all of the different counters on our behalf shuffled around the paperwork and called us to come up to the counter to sign various documents in the presence of the Home Affairs staff when needed. At the end of the four hours we were told it would take 3-4 months to process everything and then we would receive our new visas. 

Then the day before we were scheduled to leave for the USA for our Thanksgiving holiday we received word that the visas were ready and we were told to send our passports to the lawyer to have the new visas attached. Of course we couldn't oblige because we needed our passports to be able to fly so we advised the experts that we'd send them along when we got back. 

Now, do you want the good news or the bad news? 

The good news is Mr. Deep's visa is a-ok and he will be getting his passport back shortly with his shiny new visa affixed. Once he receives it he can resume having a jolly good time working in South Africa and flashing his visa to anyone and everyone at any opportunity just to prove that he is official. 

The bad news is that my visa is going to take a little bit longer because an error was made. Here is a snippet from the email Mr. Deep received regarding the error. "However, there is bad news in that the South African Dept of Home Affairs have messed up your wife's passport endorsement. They have stated in the visa that it is 'dependent on father' rather than husband. This has been flagged to them and they have requested the passport back to rectify. They should issue the correctly worded visa next week."

Mr. Deep wonders if it might be easier (and faster) if he and I get divorced and then he adopts me as his daughter so that the visa will be accurate.

"I feel we are all islands - in a common sea" - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

The house drama has ended as the house has been sold. But there was one last thing that happened with the previous owner/landlord that I never wrote about and like the visa situation it is so ridiculous that it needs to be shared publicly. 

A day or so before the closing on the house both the new owner and the previous owner came over to take a look around and to discuss a few items that, according to the previous owner, were not included with the sale. Even though I had inquired as to what exact items were not included I was never told, so as they were looking around I too was learning what was considered extra. The purpose of all of this was that the previous owner wanted the new owner to buy these items from her or, the previous owner was going to remove these items from the house. 

It turns out that the main items that were not included in the sale were pots. As in about 15 large pots with plants in them. These pots were outside in the garden and on top of the third floor roof deck. While it makes sense to me that potted plants would not be included in the sale of a home, there is something called an "aggravation dollar" which is a phrase that I learned from a very smart boss I once had. The aggravation dollar means that sometimes it is not worth it to worry about such matters because you will end up paying with your time and aggravation. 

All of the pots were quite large and heavy. In order to move them the previous owner would have to find at least two strong guys to carry them for her and would have also needed some kind of truck to fit them all. Even with a bakkie (pick up truck) or an SUV, I still think several trips would be needed to collect all the pots. The new owner said she wanted a few of the pots but not all and while I liked the pots I certainly wasn't going to buy them being that at some point we will be leaving South Africa and we will not want to be lugging around a bunch of pots. So the previous owner said she would come and collect the pots that were not going to be purchased by the new owner.

After we were done looking at pots we were standing around near the kitchen area and the previous owner casually announced that the "chopping block" also was not included in the sale. Both the new owner and I were shocked. First, chopping block is not an accurate name for this piece of furniture. While yes, it has a butcher block type top and it is used for chopping food, it really is what would be considered an island as it measures 3 feet high, 5 feet long and 3 feet wide (or as we like to say in South Africa .91 meters high, 1.5 meters long and .91 meters wide.) In addition, this item clearly matches the kitchen cabinets and another non removable island in the next room. 

In America we call this type of behavior on the part of the previous owner "reaching for shit."
Like, let's see if I can get these either the tenants or the new owner to pay to keep the island, (which I'll call a chopping block because then it sounds like less of a big deal.) True it would be nearly impossible for me to move this island, I mean uh er chopping block, as it won't fit through the door of the house without being disassembled and sure it was custom made to fit in and match the kitchen where it resides currently but hey, lets give it a shot. That's the definition of reaching for shit.

As everyone was so surprised to learn this bit of information the fate of the chopping block (aka island) was not finalized on that day.  Later when Mr. Deep and I moved the island (before this incident we didn't even realize this thing was movable - it's that big) was saw there was a hole in the floor for an outlet of some kind thus complicating the situation because if the island was removed, the tile in the floor would also need to be replaced. A few days later the new owner asked the previous owner how much she wanted for the chopping block and was told the original purchase price was R30,000 which equals a lot of money. Also, that was the cost before people spent countless hours chopping on the thing. So the new owner said thanks but no thanks and Mr. Deep and I decided to buy a new more generic island that we could take with us when we leave here. Yes, we were sad to the see the lovely island go but what were we going to do? Just like the pots we can't be bogged down carrying an island around that is never going to match another kitchen of ours again.

Then, similar to some other points in time during the course of the housing drama, the new owner consulted a lawyer about the situation and told the previous owner, sorry but my lawyer says no way...the chopping block must stay. 

And so the previous owner went off into the lovely South African sunset and was never heard from again. All of the pots and the chopping block/island remain in place for the Deep family to continue to enjoy and chop on. Unless I get deported. Then, Mr. Deep will have to enjoy these items for both of us.

large pot with pen for scale.

Smaller pot which is not that small.

"chopping block"

Other furniture that matches the chopping block.

Deep Thoughts

My apologies that the font sizes in the email version of this post were wacky. I have fixed that now. Enjoy the post!

As we kick off 2016 I thought it might be interesting to share a different perspective. You've read post after post describing my experiences and thoughts about living in South Africa, but what about Mr. Deep? What does he think about life in South Africa? What does he enjoy, what could he do without and what really annoys him about his wife? OK, that last question really doesn't have much to do with life in South Africa, but it might be interesting to find out anyway. Or, it might not be that interesting.

Before I get to our Q&A with Mr. Deep, I thought I'd share the reason that I call this blog My Thoughts From the Deep End. First, because when you are a kid, going in the deep end of the pool is a very big deal. Obviously you can't touch the bottom and you have to rely on your swimming skills to stay alive. That is how I felt about moving to South Africa. Very excited but totally outside my comfort zone. I wasn't sure if I'd be a strong enough swimmer to survive. Luckily, so far so good. 

Second, on my visa I am listed as a "dependent spouse" which means Mr. Deep is my only reason for being here. As a dependent spouse I can't have my own bank account, my own cell phone account or my own any account and I can't get a job. It means South Africa tolerates my being here because they figure if they ask my husband to leave me back in the U.S. he might not come here and work. 

As part of the visa application process, Mr. Deep had to sign a letter of undertaking saying he'd take care of me, his dependent, and see to all of my needs for the entire time that we are here. It's like when you agree to let your friend bring his dodgy girlfriend to your party. You say, "OK, you can bring her but you're responsible for making sure she doesn't go off the rails and if she does, you're sending her home ASAP"  So I'm deep-end-ent on Mr. Deep and if I act out, he needs to send me packing to the U.S.A. Thus, the deep end.

An interview with Mr. Deep.
Interviewer: Mr. Deep, you've been living in South Africa for over ten months now. Tell me, what are some of the things that you enjoy most about life here?  

Mr. Deep: Most of the time the weather. Despite the recent heat wave we've been having, the weather is usually beautiful.  I enjoy being able to see wild animals in their natural habitat pretty much any time I want.  I like the fact that we can live in such a nice house for way cheaper than something comparable would go for back home.  I also love that beer and food are pretty cheap.  I enjoy that we do things that most of the people I work with don't or would not do, like go to beer/music festivals, go on Soweto bar crawls, go to the CBD (Ed - Central Business District) to see an indie movie. Or take my Jeep out for a proper off-road beating. 

Interviewer: Why do you think most people don't or won't go to the types of places that you mention? 

Mr. Deep:  Some have kids/families, so beer fests and bar crawls would clearly not be the first choice for something to do. Some would just not think of going to CBD/Soweto in general. I would guess it is just a cultural thing that we as expats do not have a hang-up with?

Interviewer: And of the flip side, what are some things about living here that you find difficult or that you don't enjoy? 

Mr. Deep: The traffic really sucks.  Not all of the time, but during the morning commute, a 15 minute trip usually takes 40 minutes.  I don't enjoy running into cops looking for payoffs.  Also, seeing all the poverty constantly.  While I am not quite as overt in my altruism as the interviewer is, I do make it a point to pay the parking guards which many of my colleagues do not do. The load shedding is a pain in the ass and I also don't enjoy losing water for weeks at a time. The air quality also leaves a lot to be desired sometimes.  

Interviewer: If someone you knew was thinking of moving to Joburg, South Africa, what advice would you give to him or her? 

Mr. Deep:  Have an open mind.  It is tough to put yourself in anyone's shoes here as you are not from here.  I try not to have opinions on certain things here,  if you know what I mean.   Also, don't believe everything you hear on the crime - just be careful. But car-jamming is real.  You should manually double check your car is locked after you click the remote.  Third, just accept that the taxis will drive where they want and cut you off.  No sense getting mad about it.  Unless you have a Jeep and don't mind scratching it.  Then you will always win the game of "chicken." 

Interviewer: Yes, I know what you mean about having opinions. I once a read a quote that said, "don't judge a book by the chapter you walked in on." So I also keep my opinions to myself because I feel like I am a guest in this country and I know I don't have all of the information and the history. And I agree the taxis are very reckless. You need to be very careful and assume any taxi you see is going to somehow break a traffic law within the next 15 seconds.

Interviewer: You go to work every day. How are you finding your job here? 

Mr. Deep: A nice change from what I was doing, more hands on.  Although my last role really helped me learn much about one of the company's main businesses and the project turned out to be something really important for management.   Now, I am learning a new business and gaining good experience in "non-accounting-related" financial management.  We have set up a lot of processes from scratch and I enjoy the entrepreneurial atmosphere. We have a small team that I am one of the leaders of and I feel like more than just a "mid-level cog at McCann." Your fans of Mad Men should get that reference. 

Interviewer: Since you brought it up, did you like the Mad Men series finale? 

Mr. Deep: Nice way to end the show.  I liked it. 

Interviewer:  What do you miss about living in the U.S.A.?  

Mr. Deep: Surprisingly not too much.  Proximity to a few people that I care about and wish I could visit more. Friends that did not live close by are still just as close thanks to that interweb thing.  I do miss having places to walk or run.  This place is not very pedestrian friendly.  I do miss my sports and not being able to watch my teams, although this was a great year to not have to watch them, especially the Giants.  Ugh.  

Interviewer: Does it bother you that your wife is not working? Do you wonder what it is exactly that she does all day? 

Mr. Deep: No it does not. She deserves the break.  And the interviewer well knows that I have no right to complain even if it did, given my two-year sabbatical a while back.  I don't really wonder what she does all day because she blogs about it, texts me during the day and generally keeps me informed. 

Interviewer: Does it bother you when you meet new people, introduce yourself as Stephen and then your wife constantly refers to you as Steve possibly confusing your new friends as to what you want to be called?  

Mr. Deep: Not really.  I think the stigma of the "Don't be a Steve" campaign has disappeared but I still like to call myself Stephen now.  I will also answer to Steve.  Just not Steven.  Not sure how this works, but some people in the office address me as Steven in an e-mail, when the proper spelling is RIGHT THERE IN THE E-MAIL ADDRESS. 

Interviewer: Assuming that you only have two years left before you have to leave Africa, what are some of the places you want to visit and things that you want to do before you leave?  

Mr. Deep: In no particular order, Namibia, Madagascar, the Okavango Delta in Botswana, Victoria Falls whenever it gets some more water running over it, Lesotho, Mozambique, Mauritius, perhaps a safari on the Zambezi river.  I would also like to climb Kilimanjaro as long as I am here.  As for other things to do, catch some live Rugby and Cricket, explore some other areas of Joburg and do some more fishing.  

Interviewer: Yes, you recently went fishing for the first time since living here. Tell us a little about that experience. 

Mr. Deep: We were over at the neighbor's for Christmas lunch.  His whole family was there so I got talking with his father and the topic of fishing came up.  Next thing you know I get an invite for the next morning to go fishing at the Lonehill Dam. Dam is what they call man-made lakes.  I caught some pretty big barbels, which is what they call African Catfish. I seem to remember a blog post about different words they use here.  Guess you can add a couple more.

Interviewer: What else do you want readers to know?  

Mr. Deep:  I am glad I am far removed from that shit-show also known as the Presidential Primaries.  U.S. politics in general to be quite honest.  It is quite nice to not be bombarded by that stuff 24/7. 

Mr. Deep on Boxing Day with the giant barbel that he caught.