Beauty Secrets

I've spent a lot of time lately writing about good deeds. I do think living in Africa has made me a more generous person. But good deeds don't fill up all of my free time. Not even close. So what does? 

I tried to calculate how I am spending my time using a 35 hour work week.  A few disclaimers. First, 35 hours isn't really an accurate starting point as Mr. Deep leaves for work at 7:00 a.m. and doesn't come home until around 6:00 p.m., so I am alone for more than 35 hours a week. I also didn't include things like taking a shower or washing the dishes, two things which I am proud to announce that I do every day. In addition, obviously every week is not the same and sometimes these categories overlap. For example sometimes I am shopping to buy something for a good deed. But enough explanation. Here is what I came up with.

For this post, I want to focus on the bright yellow triangle in the upper left hand corner of the pie. Because I spend a significant amount of time, sometimes more than four hours a week, getting worked on by professionals in an effort to improve my physical appearance. If you want to get technical about it, working out and beauty could be combined to create one giant slice of pie because I am only working out in hopes of looking better. 

Here are the details of my beauty activities and estimated amount of time spent on each in an average month.

1) Hair - cut, color and treatment. This takes about three hours every time that I go. I try to stretch it out and only go every four weeks but sometimes I go every three.
2) Skin - I get Botox every few months and I've started getting chemical peels which take about 30 minutes every month. 
3) Nails - has two subcategories manicures and pedicures.  Manicure is one hour every other week and pedicure is one hour every three weeks.
4) Waxing - eyebrows and other about 30 minutes per month.
5) I also "pull" with coconut oil every morning. This is an ancient ritual of swishing coconut oil around in your mouth for 20 minutes to remove toxins from your body. I think it helps whiten my teeth.

So clearly I have two serious problems. First, I am really bad at math so I don't know if my weekly and monthly activities correlate properly. I am sure that they don't. I could ask Mr. Deep (aka math genius) to help me with this but I don't want to bother him with such silliness and I also don't want to encourage him to calculate how much all of these activities are costing. Second, and perhaps most alarming, I am very self absorbed, shallow and superficial. And not just about my appearance. I mean I write a blog because I am positive that people care about what I am doing or thinking. And a lot of you are nice enough to act like you do. 

I admit I have problems. These problems didn't start when I came to Africa either. I was always bad at math and except for the manicures (reason explained below) and the chemical peels which are new, I used to get all of these treatments when I lived in the U.S. too. Except back then I had a job and so these treatments seemed far less glamorous and indulgent because I was cramming them in on a Saturday or after work rather than going for treatments during the day. Also, I was a professional. I had to try to look presentable. These days, having a pedicure while other people are working seems more selfish and more luxurious even though the actual process is the same. 

I am going to try to justify and explain the beauty treatments.

1) Hair - if I didn't color it I would be grey. I am way too young to be grey. I am not going to embrace being grey until I am either over 70 or too poor to afford to color my hair. It is likely that before I turn 70 all of my hair will fall anyway out from all the coloring and flat ironing. If you have been to my house then you know that my hair is everywhere, in our bed, on the floor, in Mr. Deep's food. Flat ironing, which I am not even going to go into in this post could probably get its own slice of pie in the chart.  I would embrace curly hair if I had good curly hair but I don't so I can't.

2) Skin - I want my face to glow. When getting a chemical peel you are supposed to say on a scale of one through ten how much burning you feel. I always say it hurts less than it does because a) I don't like to show weakness to the esthetician because I want to be her toughest client, the one that she tells he husband about at dinner, "this woman is tough, you should see what I put on her face and she didn't even flinch not like the other clients who come to see me" and b) because I want the strong stuff so that I can see improvement and get my money's worth. I'm pretty sure the last time they poured battery acid directly onto my face. I rated it a six. Even though a tear was running down my cheek. Now my skin is peeling like spring break in Florida circa 1983. I also get Botox in between my eyes every six months because I don't like having a "whatchu talking 'bout Willis" expression on my face at all times. Yes, I know it's botulism.

3) Manicures - I used to bite my nails so horribly that my thumb nails were severely deformed. I tired to hide them by making fists all of the time with my thumbs tucked in but some people still noticed. I remember one person saw my hands once and then said, "but you seem so normal." Good news is I stopped biting and now my real nails have grown in. If I don't get my nails done every other week with gel polish I will bite them again. Can't stop. Won't stop.

Pedicures - Two arguments, one I live in a warm climate so I wear open toe shoes a lot. Second, I run (clearly only as an effort to stay somewhat thin) so my feet get banged up and have calluses that need to be addressed. 

4) Eyebrow Waxing - I know George Costanza said "who cares about eyebrows" but properly groomed eyebrows can make your whole face look better.

5) Pulling with coconut oil- yes it's an ancient ritual but I don't care about that. I think it helps to whiten my teeth without harmful chemicals. I only choose to put harmful chemicals on my face, nails and hair. I am also fine with having a toxin directly injected into my face. But I don't want to put harmful chemicals into my mouth. That would be crazy.

Martha Stewart Part 1

The next few blog posts are going to have some commonalities. This week, I am taking on two projects which I'll be writing about. Both are going to be domestic goddess-like in nature and both project ideas came about through conversations with my personal trainer Lauren.

I realize as I'm writing this that I never closed the loop with all of you regarding my personal training. I had three of my six free sessions with Jeffred and then my remaining three were with Lauren. I selected her randomly by looking at photos of all of the trainers on a wall at the gym. My logic was that it might be nice to try having a woman trainer. I figured if I can't have Wilson I might as well change it up entirely. After the three free sessions went well, I continue to work with Lauren once a week. I don't want to be one of those annoying people who think everything that she is doing at that moment is the best thing, but I will say having a female trainer has been good for me. Lauren focuses on my problem areas and when I work out with her I never feel like I am going to throw up. That doesn't mean it's not hard but it does mean that I don't have to do push ups, pulls ups or the dreaded ropes anymore. Instead she focuses on very targeted exercises for my abs, arms, thighs and butt. We also talk throughout the workout. Sometimes I think she might forget to count my reps because we get so involved in talking. 

The first project I am taking on this week is to cook two South African dishes. Bobotie and lekker malva pudding. Bobotie (pronounced boo boo tea) is a dish that incorporates Dutch and Cape Malay influences. It's made with spiced ground meat (called mince here) either beef or lamb can be used (I used beef), and it has an egg topping. OK, maybe it doesn't sound that appetizing but Lauren told me that although she is now a vegetarian, the one meat dish that she misses eating is bobotie.  If that isn't a ringing endorsement I don't know what is! The second dish is a dessert called lekker malva pudding. Malva pudding is a very popular desert here and I have eaten it in restaurants (I have not eaten bobotie.) When I told Lauren that I wanted to try to make some traditional South African dishes she told me about bobotie. Then, I mentioned that I liked malva pudding and against her better judgement (she is trying to make my ass smaller remember) she told me about her favorite lekker pudding recipe. Lekker means good in Afrikaans. She then went to all of the trouble of calling up her relatives and getting both of these recipes for me. 

A few thoughts about the recipes. First it's interesting how many similar ingredients these recipes use. It must be that these are the type of ingredients that were easy for people to come by back when these dishes were created. It might also mean that you are not supposed to make them both on the same day. Second, it's strange to cook something that you've never eaten before and something that you've never even seen before. Now I know how Julie Powell must have felt! Finally, I think the lekker pudding would be a delicious Thanksgiving dessert in addition to the pumpkin pie for my American readers to try. 

Bobotie
1kg minced beef or lamb - equals 2.2 pounds
1 thick slice white bread, cut off crusts - I bought a loaf of unsliced bread and cut a piece about the width of two regular slices
250ml milk (slightly more than a cup divided in half)
2 onions, chopped
30ml butter (6tsp)
30ml rajah curry powder (6tsp) - rajah is a brand of curry powder. Any kind will do!
10ml salt (2tsp)
Pinch of pepper
Juice of 1 lemon or 30ml vinegar - I used a lemon
5ml brown sugar or 15ml apricot jam - I used 3tsp apricot jam but you could use 1tsp brown sugar
2 eggs
Bay leaves - I even bought a new bottle of bay leaves. I think the one I had was from the 90s.

Serve with
Rice
Chutney - I bought a bottle of chutney. I meant to make rice but I forgot. I think bobotie would also be good with potatoes
Slice banana (optional)
Chopped tomato and onion with vinegar

Preheat oven to 160'c equals 320'f
Soak bread in 125ml milk (about 1/2 cup) until very soft, mash with fork.  
Sauté onion in heated butter. Add curry powder and seasoning and cook for 2 min.
Add lemon juice or vinegar, soaked bread, brown sugar or apricot jam, and meat. Cook until meat changes color. I cooked it through so I could taste it and see if I liked the seasoning.
Stir with a fork to remove the lumps. Pour meat mixture in greased pie dish.
Beat eggs and remaining milk together and pour over meat.
Arrange bay leaves on top and bake for 30 minutes. 

bread soaked in milk and then mashed

Cooked meat mixture with onion and seasoning

bobotie fresh out of the oven

Mrs. H.S. Ball's Chutney. Mrs. Balls, hahaha

On the plate with a crisp garden salad

Lekker Malva Pudding
1 cup apricot jam (smooth) - this comes in a can and is the consistency of grape jelly
1 cup milk - I used whole milk
1 cup flour (self raising)
2 eggs
20ml butter, (5tsp) melted
15ml vinegar (3tsp)
5ml bicarbonate of soda - this is baking soda


Sauce
2 eggs
2 cups cream
1 cup sugar

Preheat oven to 180'c equals 356'f  - I think 350 would be fine
Mix apricot jam, milk, flour, eggs and butter
Mix vinegar and bicarb
Mix all together
Bake in oven mixture is brown and firm, about 45 minutes - in my oven it only took about 30 minutes
Remove from oven to cool (if time allows). Is better if you can.

Beat sauce ingredients together and pour over pudding mixture. Place back in oven for another 10 to 15 minutes, until sauce is brown on top - in my oven this took about 20 minutes

apricot jam

The fun chemical reaction of vinegar and bicarbonate 

The cake part. I got it out of the oven just in time.

With the sauce on top before baking

The finished product. Yum! Yes, these two dishes kind of look alike with their egg topping. But they taste completely different. 

I Miss Wilson

Certainly there are many people from back home that I miss spending time with. But last week, I was really missing Wilson. 

Wilson was my personal trainer at New York Sports Club in Scarsdale, NY for the year before we moved to South Africa. I worked with him religiously once a week. He also offered a few small group circuit training classes which I joined as well. Maybe I am a deranged narcissist, but I am pretty sure I was one of Wilson's favorite, if not his all time most favorite client. First, I never cancelled my appointments with him, second I always gave 100% and third I was amusing because I would often fall over during any exercise that involved balance.

I started thinking about Wilson because I ended up signing up for personal training at my new gym.

I hadn't planned to sign up for personal training here. I didn't see the need to spend the money since I am now fully versed in how to kick my own ass thanks to all that time spent with Wilson. Also, I have more time to take the classes offered at the gym than I did in the past and the classes are a good way to push myself as well as a way to meet new people. 

The other day I was leaving the gym, and was approached by some employees who asked if I wanted to purchase three personal training sessions for R500. If I purchased, I would then get three additional sessions free. Since you can't beat the deal of six sessions for R500, I figured why not and signed up.

It then took an hour to get everything set up because we couldn't login to my gym account online. I finally remembered that was because originally the gym staff entered my birth year as 1978 instead of 1970. I had decided not to bother correcting this minor error because it's not every day that you can magically become eight years younger.  

When I showed up two days later for my training session, no one at the gym had any idea what I was talking about. I knew this was going to happen because when we agreed on the date and time, no one wrote anything down or put anything into the computer. 

I had been told to ask for Tom. The ladies at the front desk said Tom was new and then had a whole discussion about whether Tom was Indian or white. Turns out that debate couldn't be settled because Tom wasn't there. This is when I first started to miss Wilson. Wilson was always there just waiting to work with me. He put my appointments into his phone and he was consistently excited to get started even when I knew he had been training people one after the other for hours. 

The ladies at the desk called David, one of the guys who originally signed me up. He showed up and said he remembered me but I could tell from his blank stare that he did not. All I could think about was the Seinfeld episode when Jerry had a rental car reservation but the rental agency didn't hold the reservation and gave away his car. 

Jerry: I don't understand. Do you have my reservation?

Rental Car Agent: We have your reservation, we just ran out of cars.

Jerry: But the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation.

Rental Car Agent: I think I know why we have reservations.

Jerry: I don't think you do. You see, you know how to *take* the reservation, you just don't know how to *hold* the reservation. And that's really the most important part of the reservation: the holding. Anybody can just take them.

It all worked out because they found a guy named Jeffred to train me. I guess he drew the short straw down in the break room where the trainers probably hang out. Jeffred put me on the treadmill for a warm up (just like my sweet Wilson used to do) and then he disappeared. I really started missing Wilson again when I was still running after 20 minutes. Wilson would have never had me warm up for longer than ten. I could see Jeffred across the gym chatting with some woman. Maybe he had said something like "warm up and when you feel warm come on over" and I had just missed it? Or maybe he forgot about me? Or maybe he was being passive aggressive because I got dumped on him by David and Tom? Maybe it was an endurance test to see how long I could run? Anyway, I finally went over to him and we got started with the training.

The good news is the training was great. Wilson used to have me do three exercises in a row for 15 reps and then repeat two more times for a total of three times. Jeffred had me do various exercises for 20 reps each but then did not repeat. Good news if you are doing something that you hate that know you are not going to have to do it again.  

I then started thinking about Wilson and all the funny things he used to say during training. The most hilarious was "how does that feel?" to which I always wanted to answer "how the *(&%$! do you think it feels?" Wilson always used to say "the last set is the best set" which is completely not true and also would say things like "I thought you loved push ups/pull ups/mountain climbers?" His words of encouragement were "come on, you got this you're strong." 

I will be seeing Jeffred again next week. I know he remembers because I saw him the next day and he mentioned it.  He seemed enthusiastic about it, like he was already plotting new and exciting ways to torture me.  And I reconnected with Wilson on LinkedIn and we had a nice chat. He is getting married in September, and was surprised to hear that Jeffred does not feel the last set is the best set.